The toughest lessons create the strongest players—on and off the court. We all want to protect the young people we care about. Whether you're a parent, coach, or mentor, it's natural to want to shield young athletes from disappointment, failure, and hardship. But in doing so, are we really helping them—or are we robbing them of the resilience they need to thrive, not just in sports, but in life? In today's world of helicopter parenting and hyper-controlled sports environments, it's easy to fall into the trap of "bubble wrapping" young athletes. But here's the hard truth: resilience isn't built through comfort—it's forged in struggle.
The Science Behind Why Adversity Matters
Stress Inoculation Theory (Meichenbaum, 1985):
This psychological model suggests that exposing individuals to manageable levels of stress teaches them how to cope more effectively with future challenges. In other words, learning to struggle in small ways prepares kids for bigger challenges later.
Growth Mindset Research (Carol Dweck, 2006):
When kids are protected from failure, they often develop a fixed mindset—believing their abilities are limited and unchangeable. But when they experience and overcome challenges, they develop a growth mindset, understanding that skills and success are built through effort and perseverance.
Why Overprotection Fails Athletes
They Don't Learn to Problem-Solve Under Pressure:
If adults constantly intervene to fix every mistake or prevent every failure, young athletes miss out on developing the critical skill of thinking under pressure.
They Fear Failure Instead of Facing It:
Shielding kids from disappointment teaches them that failure is dangerous. But failure is a normal—and necessary—part of growth.
They Miss Out on Internal Motivation:
When everything is structured for them and failure is avoided at all costs, kids can lose their intrinsic motivation. They stop playing for the love of the game and instead rely on external validation.
How to Support Without Overprotecting
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Let Them Struggle (Safely)
Allow athletes to experience frustration during difficult drills or after a tough loss. Be there to support them, but resist the urge to solve everything for them.
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Normalize Failure in Conversations
Share stories of your own failures and how you overcame them. Highlight examples of famous athletes who failed before they succeeded—Michael Jordan was famously cut from his high school basketball team.
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Praise Effort and Process, Not Just Outcomes
Instead of saying, "You're so talented," say, "I'm proud of how hard you worked during that match." This reinforces the value of perseverance.
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Encourage Self-Reflection After Setbacks:
Instead of jumping in with solutions, ask:
- "What did you learn from that game?"
- "What will you do differently next time?"
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Set Gradual Challenges:
Expose athletes to manageable stressors—tougher opponents, more competitive drills, leadership roles within the team. These experiences stretch them without overwhelming them.
Protecting kids from every hard moment may seem like love, but real love prepares them for life's inevitable challenges. So, instead of shielding your athletes, walk beside them as they face difficulty, cheer them through their struggles, and remind them that every stumble is a step toward strength. Because the goal isn't to raise athletes who never fall—it's to raise ones who always rise.